Hi everyone, it's me... John Doe or Jack.. idk

I've meant to say this for a while, but I'm scared of sharing things a lot, and I hope you'll hear me out, especially to the people I respect and love the most. First, I want to say I'm sorry... truly sorry... for how I've been acting for the couple of months and years, the things I've said, the things I've done to myself and my account, and the people who cared about me. I haven't been well for a long time, and I've just been trying to keep it together like a wooden glue in a broken vase. I've been struggling with major depression, Guilt, and bipolar disorder, and I've spent years fighting off my dark thoughts that I keep hidden for years like ........thoughts, ........, and emotional shutdowns. I know it shows in the way I speak, the way I avoid people, or how I leave people out of nowhere, like in Discord servers. My therapist even tells me I look like someone carrying the world on their shoulders, and honestly, she's not wrong, and I'm scared of it. I know that it becomes more harder for me when I let jealousy creep in. I've felt like I needed to constantly prove myself to others to make them happy, make people notice me. And when I didn't feel that... I spiraled into madness, and it made me worse... My art started feeling more like a mirror of my mind than something fun or expressive. And that scared me more and more. I don't like seeing any media that reminds me of myself, and now that some of my art are having the things I hate... It made me feel bad to myself that I share my own emotion than not trying being just another asshole artist, Who doesn't care about "fame" or Something idk. NGL that I don't like the small fame that I got, I always felt that someone should be in my place, but I can't ... I've also become paranoid over time...about people, about their intentions, about who I could trust. I've hurt friends and even the person I care about dearly, pushed people away, and failed to acknowledge those who were trying to be there for me. For some, I may not have even seen them as friends anymore because of a messy history or past wounds I had with them, and I'm sorry for that, too. None of you deserved the silence or distance. You don't deserve the things I did, and being with you all, right now, I'm trying to take a step forward. I've started seeking help at my medical university for my mental health. I know I'm not magically going to be okay, but I am taking it seriously. I want to heal. I want to rebuild. I want to be the best version of myself for the people I care about. To my friends, my mutuals, my supporters, and the people I inspired by my work... whether you've known me for years or just found me through my art...thank you for the care you gave me. Thank you for being patient. And thank you for reminding me that I still have people in my corner. I'm sorry for the silence, and I'm sorry for the chaos. I'm sorry for the way I disappeared and ran away. Next time, I hope you see me smiling...genuinely smiling and happy.. not just being a traumatic, paranoid, cynical person..

Thank you.

John

Here's a poem I made:

The moon and sun, so soft, so bright,

They share the sky, day and night.

Each one glows in their own way,

One for night and one for day.

The sun shines down both the land and sea,

A burst of light and energy.

Colors dance, the world feels right,

It wraps the earth in warmth and light.

The moon lights, a gift the sun once gave,

Reflects its love in silver waves.

The stars come out, the world grows still,

And my heart began to softly fill.

Though different in the roles they play,

They still guide us through both night and day.

Each one helps us find our way,

Through dreams at night or tasks by day.

So here's a wish both calm and bright:

Good morning, noon, and sweet good night.

Bye